03/06/05 The Dubulya Hillbillies
I enjoy photoshopping, but it was damn spooky how
easily and seamlessly this one was pulled off... the poses were not hard to
find at all!
The more that I played around with this the more weird and surreal it felt...
Down right frightening... could it be that in an effort from the conservative right to drag us backwards in time to a "simpler life" we find ourselves in America being lead by a black and white sitcom administration ?!?
Take a look at the cast:
Dub Clampett : Authoritarian patriarch of the Clampett clan... a very simple man who has had greatness thrust upon him. Probably a hard drinker at one time, but now a teetotaler. Prone to respect and listen to God and men of the cloth, but avoids church like the plague to "get back to the land". He's saddled with his beautiful tomboyish daughter and mistake prone nephew. He also knows to avoid Granny whenever possible.
Daisy May "Granny" Cheney : The true "president" of the Clampett Clan. Her word is law. She can cuss with the best of them! Fancies herself a doctor, chef, business woman; whatever is needed to help and protect Dub. Long history of manufacturing and using "reumatiz-medicine".
Jethrum Bodine : Not too bright nephew of Dub. Struggles to find ANYTHING that he can do right. Has up-armored the family truck in the past... now fancies himself a "Double-Naut Spy". Constantly in trouble for screw-ups for trying to do everything on the skinny. Loves to cypher, and very sexually frustrated, leading to all sorts of antics. "I gotta have me a long talk with that boy..."
Condi May Clampett : The apple of Dub's eye. Has a pet chimp... go figure. The ultimate tomboy who can kick any guy's ass, including Jethrum's. Never married and no real prospects, because all the guys are afraid of her. Paw is always trying to find her something to do, and insists on having her "gussied up".
Jeff/Jane Goneaway : One confused individual who, unfortunately, may be smarter than the lot of them. Finds herself/himself attracted to Jethrum, Condi May, Dub, or his/her Chief, depending upon which way the wind is blowing. In charge of presenting the best image to the public for the Clampetts at the behest of her/his unscrupulous boss. Arranges dates for Jethrum, but secretly wants to be the one. Has quit or been fired many times.
Milburn Rovesdale : Fawning lackey who is blinded by the power and money of Dub and the Clampetts. Has absolutely no qualms about doing any dirty trick at all in order to keep the Clampetts business and live vicariously through them. Very beholden to Miss/Mr. Jeff/Jane for doing his scut work, but would never admit it. Does not get along with his wife at all, and has essentially forsaken her to manage the Clampetts.
See what I mean... this is damn frightening to me! Seriously, if you think about it, these may very well be the archetypes that this administration has embedded in its collective unconscious...
03/17/05 The Dubulya Hillbillies : Episode 1 - "Goin' North to Alaskey"
[Scene opens on the front porch of the Clampett White House Mansion in downtown Washington DC]
Granny Cheney: "Dub, Duuuuuub! Where ere ye Dub?"
Dub Clampett: "I'm out front here with Barney a cleanin' off my drillin, tools."
Granny Cheney: "Now, Dub... have you been into my rumatiz medicine again? You know you ain't never gonna hit nothin' worth a darn aroun' these parts... Alaskey's where we ought to be a thinkin..."
Dub Clampett: "Well, I 'spect it's a might cold up there... 'sides, Mr Rovesdale says he'll get some nice folks to take care of it fer us, the Halleyburtons, I think he called 'em... ain't they some kin to you, Granny... so what's on yer mind...?
Granny: "It's that no count worthless nephew of yours, Jethrum. I set him takin stock of the gunpowder and such, just in case them Damn Mooselums makes a move on us agin... Well, he commenced to cypherin' and cypherin' and 'fore ye know it, he done took and put a hole in my best warsh kettle and slapped it over top of the truck. Now he's a talkin' bout that Double Naut Spyin' hogwash again!"
Dub: "I gotta have me a long talk with that boy..."
Granny: "And while yer at it I wontcha to have a talk with Ms. Jeff Goneaway. I think, he.. I mean she's taken a real likin' to Jethrum... it ain't nachrul, Dub"
[Enter Condi May Clampett dressed in a black leather outfit...]
Condi: "Hey Granny, Hey Paw... wha da ya think of my new Ambassadorin' outfit... Ms Goneaway says all the best Ambassadors wear this. I don't know nothin bout Ambassadorin, but Ms Jeff says its the best way to find a real man..."
Dub: "Whee Dogies...Condi May, you look like you been takin a bath in Texas Tea... Ms Jeff says that's posed to hep you ketch a man?"
Condi: "At's right Paw... She says firs' ye ketch 'em, and then ye whups em... I figure if I can lick Jethrum I can purt near whup anybody..."
Dub: "I wonder if that's the kinda whuppin Miss Jeff's talkin about...?"
Granny: "Dub... she ain't never gonna get no man that way... It ain't nachrul..."
[A caribou walks onto the set and licks Granny on the face]
Granny : "AAAAHHHHHH! AAAAHHHH! Fetch me my shotgun Dub! I got me a deer that's done been had his horns run over by a steam engine. We's havin' venison for supper..."
Condi : "Granny, don't you dare hurt Kerry! He's just tryin' to be friendly... 'sides, Mr Rovesdale gave him to me, and he says we's posed to act nice to all the critters from Alaskey... says they ain't got no homes anymore... Cain't I keep him, Paw"
Dub : "Why shore Condi. Just mind you keep him away from Jethrum, that boy's got a belly on him bigger than a Republican tab at the Dry Goods Store..."