05/14/05 Dedicated to the hopeful fall of Tom Delay...

 

Bug Bomb Tom

(with apologies to Jimmy Dean)

 

(Bug Bomb, Bug Bomb)

Every mornin’ front nine you could see him drive

He shot par for six and won $245

Kinda narrow in the shoulder and broad in the hip

And everybody knew no mulligans slipped from Bug Bomb

(Bug Bomb, Bug Bomb) Bug Bomb Tom (Bug Bomb)

 

It was Sugarland, Texas that Tom called home

He just grifted the towns and played the phones

He sure had a touch, knew how to play a lie

And if you could stroke a ball, you just might buy Bug Bomb

 

A woman was dead ‘cept for a machine

Then he started a fight jumped into the scene

And the cash did flow into his huge red hands

To try to keep this woman from the Promised Land – Bug Bomb

(Bug Bomb, Bug Bomb) Bug Bomb Tom (Bug Bomb)

 

Then came the day while on the back nine

When the ‘ol duffer hacked and then started lyin’

People were swearin’ ‘bout transgressions past

And everybody thought that he’d shilled his last – ‘cept Tom

 

Through the mirrors and smoke of this self made swell

Stalked a whinin’ man and the reps paid hell

Grabbing saggin’ members, makin’ threats on the phone

And like a missed par three, he just stood there and moaned – Bug Bomb

(Bug Bomb, Bug Bomb) Bug Bomb Tom (Bug Bomb)

 

And through all of the stink he called almighty above

Then a senator yelled out “I won’t lift a glove!”

And the Redmen scrambled from a would-be grave

But there was nothing left of the money they gave – Bug Bomb

 

Well, the hacks and climbers they finally left town

When there came the crumble and the fall of this clown

With the jokes and hash squelched for all time

Everybody knew it was the end of the line for Bug Bomb

(Bug Bomb, Bug Bomb) Bug Bomb Tom (Bug Bomb)

 

Now they never revisited that worthless shit

They’d lost all their marbles supporting the twit

These few words are written ‘bout that man:

”At the bottom of all slime lies the Bug bomb Man” –  Big Tom