10/13/04

“Congress Passes Corporate Tax Relief Bill”

Here’s your Plutocracy in action! We’re down to the last ticks of the clock for Dub’s administration, and the flea flicker, Hail Mary scores!… Whew, close one!… final score… Big Bidness 72, Joe Plebe 0. I was trying to think of a “frame” for this, ala George Lakoff. How about “spontaneous orgy of corporate greed”, or “congressional toga party”?

I think I like the toga party best, because it implies a class distinction; congress being a privileged, exclusive fraternity to which the average taxpayer is unwelcome. And the “fraternity” exists as a “service organization” for the community. You jump rope, seesaw, or wash cars in a marathon twice a year. Then, give the proceeds to a charity in order to feel good about taking a big chunk of all students’ fees for the privilege of living and partying off campus and drinking all the beer you want. My apologies to real fraternities for making this analogy to our government, but maybe you should pay a little attention to the messages you send the majority of the other students with your behavior.

While I’m on the subject of “frames” and “labels”, maybe it’s time to upgrade a couple here. For instance, how about the term “lobbyist”? This apparently originated as the term for Big Bidness’ hired consultants who annoyingly milled around the “lobby” of congress in an effort to occasionally persuade or influence a Senator or Representative. This has evolved, under the nurturance of Tom Delay, “the exterminator”, or “the hammer”, to the point that these people actually write the bills today. They’re certainly not relegated to the lobby anymore. Perhaps they should be upgraded to “boudoirists”, or “congressional escort service”. In keeping with the fraternity frame, they could be congress’ “little sorority sisters”, with Mr. Delay being president of the Greek Council.

Actually, better yet, let’s roll with an “exterminator” analogy here. Who among us has not seen or heard a dishonest exterminator story, in which mice, ants, or roaches were planted in order to drum up Bidness? I submit that our government has become infested not with “lobbyists”, or “special interests”, but simply “cockroaches”. If you look closely, they were snuck in and fed and kept warm by “the exterminator”, who is just waiting for the right price from all of us to clean it all up. Mr. Delay is referred to variously as “the hammer” or “the exterminator”, but I would like to submit a more appropriate label or frame. What better name for a former hard workin’, hard drinkin’ man who may have become a little judgmentally impaired from occupational exposure to pesticides than simply “Bug Bomb Tom”? It’s got a nice ring to it, not unlike “Baghdad Bob” or “DC Dub”.