03/20/05 Al Sleet Your Hippy Dippy Weatherman
Tonight's Weather Forecast is brought to you by Pfizer Intensive Care Supplies... "We care, because God KNOWS you will...
"Goooood Evening America! I'm Al Sleet with all your political Bell Weather that's fit to hate. Big news for tonight and tomorrow for most of the nation... There appears to be a couple of very dangerous fronts coming together for this evening.
The first is a sly pressure system that appears to have materialized over the Gulf of Morals in Florida. This is teaming up with a scold front that has most of the south in it's grip. These two systems are combining over an intermittent "feeder tube" of hot air over central Florida and are tracking rapidly up the eastern seaboard and appear headed for Washington, DC. If you'll notice on the weather map, there is currently in place over Washington and throughout most of the northern states a stagnant Democratic Low. Now, there is a tremendous Republican High brewing just "offshore" of the DC metro area, but it won't be advancing without a very slight DeLay.
"Now what does this all have to do with me, Al?", you might ask. Well, I'll tell you... all of these systems seem to be poised to come together in a once in a lifetime confluence, and yes, you've got it... The Perfect Smarm ! It could be deadly for the country over the next week... you may want to go ahead and get your affairs in order, take care of those living wills, and powers of attorney.
What to expect for tomorrow? In the South, advancing thunder-smarms ahead of the front... to the North, blinding snow-smarms as the Democratic low remains stationary. Expect upwards of two feet of accumulation, grinding to a halt productive debate and increasing the likelihood of bankruptcy for millions. From the state of Tennessee, extending across the nation's mid-section, a Frist warning is in effect.
I'll be back with predictions for the Left-Coast after these important Public Service Announcements from our sponsor Pfizer...