12/09/04 Announcing the Political Capital Card!
Announcing, a new service from RoveCo International, and Helluvaburden: Bringing Freedom to Business, to Give Freedom the Business!
Have you run short of funds this Christmas season? Have you exhausted that second mortgage? Are the creditors hounding you everyday? Or perhaps you just can't afford that half-inch steel plating or flack attire for that certain loved one overseas. Whatever the reason, bad credit, good credit, no credit, bankruptcy, or just good, old-fashioned conservatism, RoveCo has a solution for you!
Announcing, the new "Political Capital Card"! Now, you too can run a deficit with the big dogs! RoveCo and Helluvaburden have come into a huge potential source of funding to satisfy even the largest appetite for "moral values", and we want to share this good fortune with you! Just call our toll-free line in Bangladesh where our operators are standing by. It's quick and it's easy! Just give them your name, your Social Security number, a short summary of your fungible assets, and a loyalty oath, and you're in business, literally!
The Political Capital Card is also issued in a number of attractive styles to help you express your particular brand of "compassionate conservatism"! The examples shown above are primarily men's styles but we have them for women too! Plus, owning the card has its own rewards. The Political Capital Card entitles the holder to a 15% discount automatically on any of RoveCo International's products. It's currently recognized in over half of the states in America and a growing and willing coalition of countries worldwide. Who needs dollars, or euros or even riyals? As an anonymous government spokesman recently said, "American dollars aren't free..." but it's getting pretty close!
How can RoveCo and Helluvaburden do this, you ask? Well, we're not really able to go into this because of a potential DeLay, but this funding source could be worth trillions; that's like billions with a "T". We can tell you this, though. We've taken the bold and innovative step of accessing this funding source through "faith based economics". Put quite simply, we know "you're good for it". In other words, "you're good", and "you're for it", or else... God will get you!
Your Political Capital Card is also handy for those times when you're stuck with volunteer work, or the "compassionate" part of conservatism. Our Leader requests upwards of two years out of a lifetime for each of our citizens dedicated to volunteer work in the betterment of America. Sometimes these sacrifices can be at odds with both good business and entertainment. Let's say that you're stuck ladling soup for the church, or helping young children learn to read with "My Pet Goat" as an example. You're also anxious to foreclose a mortgage, you've got a hot date, or you hear the front nine of your favorite golf course beckoning to you. What to do? Simply charge that volunteer work to your Political Capital Card, and then go out and do what needs to be done! And the amazing thing is that the more you charge these activities, the less your interest will grow! Conversely, you'll see your interest grow exponentially in the important things in life!
As an added bonus, as you use your new Political Capital Card you will immediately began amassing "Frequent Flyer Mails". Starting once a month and then gradually increasing in frequency as you use your card, you will receive at no extra charge interesting Flyers through the mail. These will include product updates and special offers from RoveCo International and Helluvaburden. Additionally, Flyers will include specific topics of interest including lifestyle, and financial management. You'll also receive informative Flyers to update you on how to think and feel when threatened by such issues as gay marriage, religion, and gun control. Around election time you'll also receive useful lists of preferred candidates specific to you. Also, you will receive an accurate and up to the minute update of the location of your particular precinct and your recommended frequency of voting. The Political Capital Card is truly a card that cares!
So why wait!? Pick up the phone and give our toll-free operators in Bangladesh a call!
Look for this symbol in establishments around the world: * It's not just a card, it's a lifestyle statement!
*(Service charges may apply if your PC card is overused. Service is generally rendered in Iraq or Afghanistan currently, and destination charges may apply. Offer void where prohibited by international tribunal.)
I was told that it would be politically correct to include the ladies styles as well! Don't accuse me of sexism, these views represent my perceived view of their view of the good moral value view of things (I am a great admirer of the oratory skills of Donald Rumsfeld, and I've been taking lessons. Can you tell?)
Know anyone on your Christmas list who is in need of a personalized Political Capital Card? Send me a picture and I'll be glad to open them up an account!
The card that cares... for you! So you don't have to!