limericks

Bill and Hill must choke down the race pill,
As Obama still plays with the swill.
Edwards seeks to conflate,
His home Palmetto state,
While the press sups with Rovian shills...

Super delegates I just really hate,
Popular vote is thrown into debate.
Our opinions are tossed,
By our party's embossed,
As they send out a primary rebate.

“If I wanted to break the law…”
This nonsense sure sticks in the craw.
‘Oh then just why would I brief,
And risk Congressional grief?’
Brief lies surely aid the scofflaw…

Halliburton is back in the News…
They gave some of our GI’s the spews.
Seems the water they’d filter,
Left our troops all off kilter,
‘Cause the warnings of poo met poo-poohs…

The latest news on that predator drone,
Swept Pakistan like an ugly cyclone,
They want to toss our envoy,
Over the lives we destroy,
The end result… now Al-Qaeda’s enthroned…

Seems now Ford faces the fate of GM,
Profits falling to a point that is grim…
Announcing massive lay-offs,
Management stays at the troughs,
Designing cars that they’ll market on whims…

How entertaining, a war of the Pops!
Over Frank, it seems that Nick finished tops!
Complained his granddaughter cried,
But ‘twas his son who had lied;
This Mrs. Scalito performance just flops…

I bet that made some folks look askance,
When these guys all began to depants!
Saying they’d cause a melee,
Cops yanked them off the subway,
Were bombs hidden away as implants…?

Al Gore really told them what for...
For sure the Repubs are now sore!
So they'll set out to impugn,
Funded by Sun Myung Moon;
Troubadours with lickspittle spoor...

John Ashcroft, a blast from the past...
His legal usurping quite vast.
But just today the Supremes,
Smacked the "Culture of Life" memes;
Now dignified death's not harassed...

`Twas scut work for the FBI guys,
Tracking fruit from Bush/NSA lies.
Though they uncovered no plot,
It just may help them a lot,
In dismissing the bribe alibis...

It now seems that George Bush has been sued,
O'er your rights that his thugs have eschewed,
Once in Detroit would be nice,
Ah, but New York makes it twice!
Make popcorn while it all comes unglued...

The Republicans want ethics? What fun!
They now stand blind in the light they once shunned...
Clumsily giving back bribes,
From the Jack Abramoff tribes,
Does this amend the misdeeds they have done?

Beware of the "Trade Center Cough",
You heroes that Bush will cast off...
An unending disaster,
The inhaling of plaster,
With health care a drained, bitter quaff...

Captain Kirk's sold his old kidney stone...
Now just why's this poor taste been condoned?
Seems Shatner wants to espouse,
Habitat's building a house,
What next... maybe some ashes from Bones?

The Imperial reference is hot!
The contrast shows what Bush is not.
With insurgents he's unleashed,
Burning the whole Middle East,
Then Iraq's just a used Camel-lot...

Old Fristy's donations to AIDS,
Resemble a huge masquerade.
Used as payments for Bubbas,
And not earmarked for Rubbas,
Leaves much of the Third World waylaid...

Colin Powell weighs in on rendition,
He implies that it's just extradition.
Defends his protégée Rice,
From the world's charges of vice,
Dirty secrets of global submission...

Old Dubbers scrubs his radio address,
Then seemingly proceeds to confess.
But His Majesty's passion,
Seeks the truth to refashion...
It's not a crime if he's under duress...

Bush rails at those who've leaked to the Times,
He accuses them all of high crimes.
And yet the truth does appear,
He had them wait for a year,
Then still couldn't stop them?!? ... sublime!

John Bolton is now threatening withdrawal,
If the US just can't have it all.
He just stood there and fumed,
Said the UN was doomed,
He's a real "Fortress Mustache" screwball...

With his polls at a pathetic percent,
Having exhausted all fears to foment,
Republicans in tatters,
Bush just less and less matters
He is more of a lame monk president...

Alas, sometimes the truth can be ducked,
And the best legal systems are bucked.
But one can always surmise,
By just the look in one's eyes,
And these say. "Oh my God, I'm so fucked..."

Americans, as a whole, are now rude.
They're taught never to display gratitude.
We're not teaching good manners,
Hiding out in McManors,
Deathly afraid that we're going to be sued...

Agreeing over a new chancellor,
SDP will take a big chance on her.
Andrea Merkel's in charge,
A fragile party so large,
Thwarts Schroeder's desire to just cancel her...

NOPD has been charged with assault,
But these policemen are claiming no fault.
This poor man's beat to a pulp,
But there is no Mea Culp,
With all blame placed on disaster gestalt...

Hooray for the new claymation stars,
The victors in the box office wars.
Wallace and Gromit are kings,
But it is sad that fate brings,
A big fire and emotional scars...

Karl returns to the jury to opine,
But short of some intervention divine,
The world will soon see the Freeps,
And the company he keeps,
As a bunch of little swimmers porcine...

The Austrians at first seemed so jerky,
And the EU appeared a bit murky.
A minor objection,
Or major defection?
For now, they'll all sit down and talk Turkey...

Conservatives are screaming baloney,
Can you believe they're calling Bush phony?!?
The right wing critics it seems,
Consider Miers a blaspheme,
Guess Dub is short on quality cronies...

Stating progress in Iraq is superb,
Cheney sounds more than a little disturbed,
From "liberator greeter",
To "WMD repeater",
The Veep's command of the truth's just absurd...

FBI's 9/11 epilogoue:
For many crimes, they've no time, they're backlogged.
Organized crime gets a slide,
And health care fraud a free ride,
Bush cronies profit from terror bird-dogged...

Treasury just now blocks their finances?!?
For four years there' ve been strange circumstances!
So how much more has been missed,
Than Egyptians on a list,
`Cause of silly UN reform stances...

Kurd/Shiia constitutional steering,
Left Sunnis naught to do except jeering,
They've learned well from their captors,
Read Republican chapters,
On merits of stealth electioneering...

Nick cage is a new father and that's swell,
But I'm sorry, gotta say, "What the hell?!?"
Guess he thought it was super,
Man his wife is a trooper;
But a dumbbell names his new son Kal-El...

Hollywood never shows consequences :
This study of blockbusters incenses.
They analyzed sex and drugs,
While just ignoring the thugs.
On violence there are no pretenses...

If the jersey that you bought doesn't fit,
Safe to say that OJ won't need a writ!
In LA, his intentions;
Just a horror convention,
He only left `cause his pen musta' quit...

Money laundering! Delay's foes just delight,
In the latest of his criminal plights.
You know that old Tom sure would,
At money laundering be good,
He always separates coloreds and whites...

Just caught a piece of the old sitcom MASH
For a split second this image did flash,
'Twas the weaseling grin;
Tight-ass conservative spin;
Chief Justice Burns really makes my teeth gnash...

In Iraq, we've news of three more car bombs,
Sixty-two gone in salaam to Islam.
And yet the Bushies implore
Don't use the term "Civil War"...
Better a Shiite and Sunni "pogrom"?

Alvin Hellerstein issued a smack down,
Which elicited a Pentagon frown,
Their smutty prisoner pics,
They can't keep out of the mix,
Abu Gharib will be heading uptown...

The GOP still says they'll never be beat,
And the Hammer won't melt from the heat.
Now everyone's in suspense,
What will be his defense?
Maybe a lifetime's exposure to DEET?

Did you know there's a World Toilet Summit.
To discuss how your excrement plummets?!?
Many more topics for sure,
But I am flushed with allure,
By the UriLift toilet, dad-gummit!

"Are you sure we should do this, Turd Blossum?"
"Don't worry sir, you're gonna be awesome!"
"Hey, why don't you damn creeps,
Just go talk to your Freeps..."
"Dood... you go to Gitmo or play possum..."

"Um... Karl... I don't know nothin' `bout rhymin'..."
"Read the cards, sir... it's all in the timing."
"You know, I've sure been depressed,
By this domestic unrest,"
"You'll feel good after liberal sliming..."

"That Brownie's doin' a really fine job,
I thought that Blanco and Nagin were slobs..."
"But sir, this looks sort of lame,
After we' ve called it "blame game"...
"Shut yer pie hole, or go sit on a corn cob!"

"Our guys and gals can't be charged with `war crimes',
Alberto's slicker'n goose shit sometimes!
Now that Miss England's been tried,
And been convicted stateside,
We'll round up them dead-enders and fry-em!"

"I'm `posed to rhyme on a big fuckin' squid?!
Hot damn, there Karl, but you sure like to kid..."
"But it shows you like science;
Smarter than an appliance..."
"Pops ate some once, and then barfed off his lid..."

"I like this story about drugs and God...
This woman gave her meth to this nimrod...
She kept him talkin' all night,
Showed she and God were real tight,
Why she stopped drugs, though... I thought that was odd..."

"This one here should be a lesson for y'all,
Them tales that they've been tellin' are all tall,
Just don't believe all you hear,
`Bout all this raping and fear,
`Cause the official hearsay is Karl's call..."

"Just who invited the damn CPAs?!?
This was `posed to be a no-bid buffet...
This damned Katrina defeat,
Turned into all you can eat,
With place cards worth over two hundred K..."

"Holy shit, sir... Tom DeLay has been charged!"
"Well, Karl, sometimes his cash payment's too large..."
"No you boob; we're in a fix,
`Cause Ronnie Earle's not been nixed!"
"In that case, I think we've been overcharged..."

"Your country would like to thank you there, Dood,
Your column has helped change folks' attitude,
You know this rhyming's hard work;
You can't rely on your smirk.
We're outta' here. Watch yourself, or you're screwed

The "Cone of Silence" descended on Smart,
As Don Adams, `tis so sad, did depart.
With his shoe phone now on hold,
Maxwell's abandoned C.O.N.T.R.O.L.
Left this world with much Bush C.H.A.O.S. to thwart...

Michael Brown is incapable of shame,
Offers up Blanco and Nagin to blame.
They should tell this poor loser,
As he dodges accusers,
Russian Roulette's a career ending game...

It's official, do we give Bush some slack?
Quaida's Azzam has been killed in Iraq.
Killed early Sunday just past,
`Twas announced after new blasts,
Killed four GI's in the latest attacks...

The stock sales sure have hurt good ole Fristy,
The debate ought to make his eyes misty.
For his two thousand eight run,
He's really under the gun,
Seems to be, in the wind, really twisty...

A bit late, but I tracked down this guy "Chang",
Who Jeb swears helps him get on with his thang,
Accident with transporter,
Or drank way too much Porter's?
Either way, he's just been tugging his wang...

Sheehan shows this sinful war's wages,
She's buried behind the front pages.
Arrested today,
It's all passion play,
As America slowly enrages...

Unless some hidden something's parlayed,
The Democrats will just be waylaid,
John Roberts confirmed,
Agenda affirmed,
And George Bush debates crow versus staid...

Over three hundred body bag zippers,
Have authorities much less than chipper,
Mexico's beaten some men,
Framed and sent them to the pen,
Giving free reign to old "Juan the Ripper"...

Pfc England was sentenced today,
After trying to plead guilty in May.
A despicable Nazi,
Or just Don Rumsfeld's Patsy,
She's become a classified dossier...

Homeland Security's further deplored,
For this health warning that Mike Brown ignored,
Showed the nation unready,
And our leaders unsteady,
So twixt the horns of two storms we are gored...

Cheney walks from the hospital all well,
And we're told his procedure went swell.
Are they refusing to say,
If he has a triple-A,
And someday soon we will bid him farewell?

Dubbers seems back in the groove,
Dodging the masses reprove.
Brings those that are near,
To bunkers of fear,
Terror makes ratings improve!

Able Danger now heads to back-burner...
Pentagon has closed up this page turner.
Someday the truth it will out,
Despite these ham fisted louts,
And Rumsfeld the Congressional spurner...

Katrina left New Orleans as toast,
And now Rita bears down on Gulf Coast.
But they've learned from their mistakes,
And all the thirsts will be slaked,
For profits that the oilmen love most...

Leahy gave a "Rooty Vermont" spiel
John Roberts seems to be a done deal,
Kerry and Reid see this judge,
As just a man steeped in fudge,
And appeal to vote down this schlemiel...

Bush domestic advisor Townshend,
Will Katrina attempt to amend.
Will she watch Rita real close,
See all the FEMA kudos,
And then seek to transcend and commend?

This pic reminds me of the Titanic,
The couple on the bow, almost manic...
As Rita churns to the west,
Once more puts FEMA to test,
If Texan, he just maybe might panic!

Psychopaths are the perfect investors,
Renowned as emotional divestors,
This new study has proved,
We would all be behooved,
To expect the elected molestors...

Karzai in Afghanistan's breaking bad,
About American tactics, he's mad.
He's making it very clear,
He'd like us out on our ears,
He's sick of all the air strikes by the scads...

Safavian's been charged with corruption,
Abramoff brought about his seduction.
His wife Jennifer is large,
In House Reform, what a charge!
Crap continues without interruption...

Simon, the great Nazi hunter has died.
Was a death camp survivor who applied,
Both persistence and reason,
No matter the life season,
The fate of Holocaust Jews he decried.

Starring in a "Menagerie" review,
Then busted for grabbing buttocks, Mon Dieu!
Maybe ol' Christian Slater,
Is the new Grope-a-nator,
Coming soon, a frotteur-ator near you?

North Korea has answered detractors,
The last detail, light water reactors.
No Plutonium distilling,
And they'll be a third less filling,
Miller Brewing is chief sub-contractor...

German elections have come to a tie,
With Frau Merkel feeling just a bit wry,
Does less than point nine percent,
Represent "mandate"; concent?
It still boils down to a girl, or a guy...

Karzai proudly shows purple finger,
Though questions on turnout still linger.
Taliban importuned dead,
A success, just three wounded,
This country remains in the wringer...

With their healthcare in such disrepair,
New Orleans is just left to despair.
Workers sick of bad choices,
And unheard screaming voices,
Say hospitals are beyond repair...

They've re-announced our return to the moon,
As Dubya's polls just continue their swoon.
Seems NASA's timing as such,
Has sure come through in the clutch,
Distracts from Dubya's disastrous typhoon.

The judge has sentenced Koslowski and Swartz,
We'll assume that they've surrendered passports...
`Tis a minor disruption,
On the ass of corruption,
These two should be just considered small warts...

In invitation to visit the stacks,
From librarians, exposing their racks.
This calendar promotion,
Won't result in demotions,
Well place journals hide the need for hot wax...

They’ve been freed from a Basra city jail,
From the water and bread that was stale,
But whose account to believe,
As the two Brits were retrieved,
Enduring stones and Molotov Cocktails…

Gyanendra must be Dubya's hero,
Both have press tolerance that's near zero,
He is Nepal's brand new King,
Dub assumes he's the same thing,
Both seem more like oblivious Neros...

Stimulate it, any way that you can,
Throwing money at problems without plans,
Pseudo-success in Najaf?
It's Republican jerk-off!
How much cost for the next loss in Iran?

Pretty soon we'll receive imprimatur,
And tourists will throng to the French Quarter.
But vacationing gourmets,
Advice down Mexico way:
"Have lots of fun, but don't drink the water..."

Chirac came down with concern in his eye,
Won't say, but `twas more serious than stye.
Now Cheney's problem's his knee,
An `aneurism' you see.
Or... "flood water" on the knees he will dry?

Johnny's name, now forever cemented,
For characters he's played who're demented.
Depp has just joined "Walk of Fame".
If "Pirates" sequels are lame,
He'll have concrete galoshes presented...

My goodness, will another named Rita,
Go on to be a Gulf Coast repeata?
So if October stays warm,
And then we get nine more storms,
Do we start up again with "Anita"?

With her hair straightened as straight as can be,
Rice says Iran should be brought to its knees.
Hoping those present will squirm,
At the sight of her new perm,
Failing to sway them with grand strategy...

Ahmadineejad with blistering come back,
Dismissed Condi, as propagandist tact.
Will Colin Powell be on call,
With charts and pictures this fall,
To pave the way for the US attack?

Calling Travolta and Nicholas Cage,
Your movie, this doctor seeks to upstage!
`Tis no satirical rant,
She'll attempt facial transplant!
Make-over has gone completely space-age...

Bizarre! A Priest pricking children with pins...
Wanted to show Jesus' pain with a spin.
But George Carlin's thoughts linger,
About pricking your finger,
And that fingering your prick is a sin...

Gerald Martin, safe to say, beat the odds,
Rode in a boat down the soaked esplanades,
It was very dramatic,
His escape from his attic,
Eighteen days with only water and God...

Fresh swordfish has more mercury in it,
So does tuna, no way they can spin it,
The Bush FDA's action?
Voluntary Retraction...
`Til they can RAISE that pesky old limit...

Our bulimic President now urges,
Our patience as the Gulf Coast emerges.
Our security's unhinged,
`Cause of the funds that Dub's binged,
And we trust him with his promised purges?

Karl Rove's "Master of Disaster" now, yikes!
Or to address Dubya's downward poll spikes?
The irony of it all,
And we presume its Dub's call:
He has a LEAKER with fingers in dikes!

Costing more than his dumb "War on Terror"
Bush swears he'll be the Gulf Coast repairer.
Battle lines, they are drawing,
With Dub hemming and hawing,
It never ends, this old "War on Error"

Two thirds of voters are saying, "Go Home!"
To the Austrian iron pumping coxcomb.
But undaunted, old Arnie,
He'll just make with the Blarney!
Steroid effects on the Y-chromosome?

The French Quarter's cleaned up every last turd,
And they say this disaster's now mastered.
They seek to open the bars,
But who will fight Bush's wars,
If the National Guard gets all plastered?

Ophelia has a date with Nantucket,
As it soaked Ocracoke in a bucket,
A perfect lim-rical storm,
As faces redden and warm,
Okeydoke... here's the joke! Nah... just fuck it...

Bush addresses a nation that's hurtin'
He'll insist there'll be no more desertin',
As Americans we must,
In God and Him, put our trust,
And, of course, good ol' Halliburton...

He is stealthy, this candidate, Judge John,
Seems headed for successful denouement,
Will it be "Here come da' judge..."
After a few days of fudge,
And a lifetime career for da' new mon?

Ray Nagin says a new city's emerged,
And that crime, as they have known it's been purged,
A re-opened French Quarter,
With no more cocaine snorters.
Ironic this place was never submerged...

The Catholic Church, on board with Gay bashing,
Will dismiss priests with more than tongue lashings,
They'll just give Gay priests the axe,
Ignoring pedophile facts,
And pray more suits don't send them all crashing...

Are women more bisexually free?
Survey says yes from the old CDC.
It says almost twelve percent,
College aged experiment,
Politicians: Your constituency...

Are we onboard with the avian flu?
Will $100 million treat me and you?
All their math presupposes,
These are adequate doses,
If not, then we'll be definitely screwed...

Ophelia's now soaking NC,
Will Bush heed the Governor's plea?
If it should arise,
Just don't be surprised,
That Democrats Bush doesn't see...

This update on the blackmailing of tits:
Rutter, gets over three years at the Ritz.
Diaz, not at the hearing,
Owned the breasts he was smearing,
Will this curtail her revealing outfits?

Do you think the Manganos putrescent,
For the deaths of their patients, senescent?
If you're into these stats,
A Presidential ass-hat,
About now, should be burning rubescent...

Said Judge Roberts, "I will be my own man."
While he swept questions right in the dustpan.
Implies he'd never dissuade,
In regards Roe versus Wade,
But if the right case he hears, then he can...

Twelve explosions ripped through Baghdad, Iraq,
And Al-Qaeda is claiming the attacks,
`Tis really Hell, these "last throes",
Now only God or Bush knows,
If we level Tal Afar as getback...

The Olsens are promoting the Sprouses,
For the guys, they'll become clearinghouses.
Will they expand new frontiers?
`Tis not much difference, six years;
They'd make weird interchangeable spouses...

Priorities described as "watered down",
The UN is a sea of fettered frowns.
No poverty solution,
No strong stance on pollution,
`Cause Bush must deal with his own fetid town...

Delta and Northwest endure dissensions,
Over who should be paying who's pensions.
So will bankruptcies be filed,
Or is it crocodile smiles,
To silence all the Unions'contentions?

Breaking: A Topical Limericks Update:
Here's some news that frequent fliers might hate:
Both the airlines, go figure,
They've both just pulled the trigger,
Ending the "Chapter Eleven" debate...

Russell Crowe's charged with malicious phone throws,
In angry throes, hit concierge in the nose,
The event, it enlarges
Hit with felony charges,
Crowe's hosed by the visa troubles imposed...

Bush attempts to rip critics asunder,
He says he's responsible for blunders.
This apology's absurd,
A mere parsing of words,
To allow him to plow it all under...

"Playing a game of dodgeball"
Spot on, this Ralph Neas call!
Judge Roberts just bobs,
Takes old Specter's lobs,
So he can umpire this fall.

I can't believe it, I did it again!
I repeated their dumb old sporting spin!
As the Rethugs did before,
We must now frame this as war,
`Twill be death if we let sportsmanship in...

They've found all these children in cages,
Apparently kept there as wages.
But stomachs should turn,
As more people learn,
Systems don't prevent these outrages.

Mayor Nagin says New Orleans is broke,
Blanco enraged o'er the dead, took a poke,
In response FEMA just said,
We don't go picking up dead.
While the survivors contend with sunstroke.

In response to the critical forces,
Brown's resigned to silence the discourses.
But if this makes you feel sad,
It really isn't so bad,
`Cause Dub's found him a job milkin' horses...

Bush denies there's been any racism,
And bristles over his nepotism,
But his policies, it's true,
Persecute folks, who vote blue,
The results: racial-poverty schism...

Today at lunch, LA's power was gone,
It reminded everyone of Enron.
People enjoyed all their sprouts,
In the midst of black outs,
And ignored the threats from Adam Gadahn...

With suggestions that he simply demure,
And to be careful and not take the lure,
All his Republican pals,
And Conservative Cabals,
Have set us up for Judge Roberts' manure...

A bellwether for Condi and Bolton;
Can they keep the UN from revoltin'?
Will they both have the right stuff,
Able to pull off a bluff,
If the world knows the bad cards they're holdin'?

Bravo to all the musicians from HEAR,
Fighting the premature aging of ears,
You'll keep enjoying Rock Gods,
By turning down your I-Pod,
To a decibel that's much more austere...

A top award has been given to "Crash",
A good flick that's really earned lots of cash,
But if you'd read it one day,
"The Bridge of San Luis Rey"
You would see that this concept's a re-hash...

No 9/11 to mooch,
Says he's sworn off of the hooch,
No big sloppy kiss,
In conjugal bliss,
Dubya has just screwed the pooch...

Today we will remember in silence,
All the thousands who've perished in violence,
After this day is all done,
We'll remember the Bush son,
Who brought it on through extreme petulance...

North Carolina will brace for its share,
Of the high winds, flood damage, and despair.
Now that Ophelia's on track,
To really break FEMA's back,
`Twill be up to the "Tar Heels" to repair...

Al Qaeda has threatened LA,
In a tape received on Sunday,
Comes from Pakistan,
By Adam Gadahn,
Is domestic terror in play?

A rant about "exercise" and "blame game"
This clever parsing of terms is quite lame.
Delay tells kids, "Ain't this fun!"
And America's just stunned,
Hey Rethugs! It's just a failure this frame!

A millionaire, it seems, five times over!
Ol' Judge Roberts is rolling in clover!
Will he be one who'll recuse,
Or one who'll likely abuse,
As a Chief Justice Big Business drover...

The Scottish Pachyderms won their chukkas,
But this polo could raise quite a ruckas...
What would happen if you,
Should slip up in the poo,
I'd up-chuck as I sat on my tuccas...

Seems the appeal of Jose Padilla,
Squashed flatter than a steamrolled tortilla,
Will give Dubya the patent,
On "enemy combatant",
And CIA the "OK's to steal ya"...

With his polls under forty,
Despite Rove's latest sortie
Dub has forsaken,
Sleepers awakened,
Lame duck? More like abortee...

They've rejailed that ol' Edgar Ray Killen,
Convicted geriatric Clan villain,
Wheel chair confined? Not at all...
Seems he was seen walking tall,
Driving `round, and his truck gas tank fillin'...

Wagner, blind guy from Cape Town,
Just mowed the speed records down.
Next feat, no lyin'
Wants to try flyin',
But, can his cane reach the ground?

Braumeister Schneider's perfected beer shots.
At fifty proof, `twill have patrons see spots.
So, the excuses you'll hear,
"But, sir, I just had one beer!",
In Bavaria, will all go for nought...

Ground Zero survivors gypped,
While others, huge loans were slipped.
Why the emoting?
They're just promoting,
Entrep-manure-ialship...

BS this Brown resume,
More like a roll in the hay.
Carefully vetted,
Or Dub indebted,
Results: New Orleans doomsday.

Colin weighs into the fray
"Blame Game" he seeks to defray,
Declining four star,
To Hurricane Czar,
Distracts the racial waylay.

This from a new AP poll,
Folks vote to fill in the hole.
New Orleans rebuilt,
On hills not of silt,
No more beignets on the shoals...

Mrs. Merkel, now left open to slimers,
Stole from Reagan her speech making primers.
Now the "Great Communicator",
oder "Grossartige Redner"?
Maybe SHE should be checked for Alzheimer's...

From Tal Afar, a motley collection,
Of those opposed to US prefection,
With two hundred arrested,
Are insurgents now bested,
With swayed constitutional selection?

Schwarzenegger says he'll veto gay marriage,
Saying the will of the people's disparaged,
Governor Hummer has run,
From some supporters he's stunned,
He should mark the fence POSTS with this carriage...

The Veep went down to witness the soup,
Talking to Brown, he fell into the goop,
Crawling out, he mutated,
Black heart, invigorated,
The swamp thing now stalking `round is the scoop.

He's claiming that he really regrets it,
While hoping everybody forgets it,
Dub investigates himself,
He's a mischievous old elf,
"No one move, or the dumb white boy gets it!"

Talabani says Saddam has confessed,
Does this mean his execution's been blessed?
Must Iraqis be wedded,
Lest Saddam is beheaded,
In this game of constitutional chess?

We're all mourning the death of Bob Denver,
His Maynard and Gilligan were clever,
This super guy, safe to say,
Will never be cast away,
He's on paradise island forever.

Hooray for the new "Wallace and Grommit",
Flying in like a clay-mation comet!
With new life to stop motion,
Will directors take notion,
To lose some of this CGI vomit?

Here's a morality tale from the crypt,
A woman, while relieving herself, slipped.
Best stick with dancing on graves,
`Less you're incredibly brave,
Of course depending on how you're equipped...

Capacitors recharging in frenzy,
Kept flashes on our POTUS chimpanzee,
As he made with the glad hands,
With Gulf Coast suffering fans,
Hiding plans that were still pretty flimsy.

Dub wants to quicken the pace,
To fill the Chief Justice space,
Slower or faster,
He's a disaster,
Dear Leader, such a disgrace...

Steven Soderbergh gave his latest spin,
That Reality TV's pretty thin.
Will his new film called "Bubble",
Just resort in more trouble,
As Hollywood's reality sets in?

Secretary of State Donald Rummy,
Made Katrina survivors feel crummy,
Noted shunner of the Hague,
Treated folks like they had plague,
Behavior that would just stun your mummy...

A Moscow man took to bed,
Ignored the train overhead,
His drunken stupor,
Turned out quite super,
Slept through bloodshed; kept his head...

There's news of a typhoon name of Nabi,
Bearing down on Japan's Nagasaki.
Global warming has insured,
Our Cajun beating endured,
Is small taste of a worldwide Wasabi...

With the death yesterday of judge Rehnquist,
Bush can give the high courts a brand new twist,
If there's one thing we've all learned,
He doesn't care who gets burned,
Dub is never a power relinquist...

America is stunned by the starkness,
Of the dikes giving way under snark-fest,
With a flood of new glowers,
The White House has lost power,
A Presidency's plunged into "dork-ness".

On the heels of disasterous fudges,
The Shrub now gets to pick us TWO judges,
With William Rehnquist now dead,
American's cower in dread,
As Dub trudges along with the Drudges...

The US, it "Will move heaven and earth."
This idiom should be spoken with mirth.
Post 9/11, `twas the first,
Perhaps Gonzales was the worst,
Now the irony of levees rebirth...

Does he believe what they're having him say?
Who does Chertoff really think that he'll sway?
`Twas a disastrous hurricane,
AND lots of flooding from the rain.
A hurricane without floods, Bud?!? No way.

"Nicole Kidman is a CIA spook,"
This according to Mugabe, that kook!
Calling western sanctions a plot,
This flick a cultural garrote,
`Tis a counter-intelligent rebuke...

Displaying both alacrity and grace,
Al Gore came for Tennesseans displaced.
The Texas Air National Guard,
Has also been working hard,
Dub could re-up... nope... not that pantywaist.

"Ain't no one's fault, the dam caved in,
Ain't no one's fault, it's all just spin."
Please, Lord, don't raise the numbers,
Of American slumbers,
Just when the Ain'ts come marching in...

"Hello, Kiddies... can you say `Civil War'?"
Mr. Rogers could have showed Dub what for...
Speaking down to his level,
Giving details to Devil,
Seems like sweaters would trump fetters, for sure.

Its day five of a city held hostage,
Subject to political accostage.
Dubya's acceptance of blame.
Has come across pretty lame,
`Twas the fate of his promised low cost pledge...

"A response to high prices,
Global Energy Crisis,"
"`Twill come into play",
Alarms IEA.
"Left to US devices..."
(one for the scan cops!)

Take cover... a topical suppression,
Is spinning that there's been no transgression,
Moving into your city,
With cyclonic perfidy,
No confessions, but artful digressions...

Draining New Orleans could take eighty days,
Followed by anti-bacterial sprays,
When the whole city's deloused,
And law and justice espoused,
Who'll be left there to enjoy the beignets?

The season is so far from over,
They say it will stretch through October.
With Maria appearing,
And more hurricanes leering,
Safe place? How about maybe Dover?

Has Kyoto returned home to roost,
In giving Katrina a big boost,
Euros point out the looters,
And the anarchic shooters,
As reason for assistance induced.

"We just spent some time talking about..."
[ Jesus Christ, I sure hope this works out....]
(Damn, his dad sure looks old...
On his suit...is that mold...)
{Fuck! This boy has become such a lout...}

"...close contact with Secretary Chertoff."
[Photo-op... working hard with shirt off...]
{The risk Carlyle's takin',
Fucking savin' his bacon...}
("Watch this drive!"... c'mon Dub, let's play golf...)

"... priority, of course, is to save lives."
(Jeeze, his polls sure have taken a nose dive...)
{Barbara paid the damn bail...
Shoulda' left him in jail...}
[Karl was right! I think they're buying this jive!]

"... repair the breeches in the levees."
[These guys sure do help me look heavy...]
{...since he was a young tyke...
Always messing with dykes...}
(First time... in the back of a Chevy...)

"...hard to get gasoline to some markets."
[Did they fill up my truck `fore I parked it?]
(For folks driving the hummers...
It's an end to their summers...)
{Venezuela... damn Robertson narced it!}

"... the money raised is money needed."
[Damn, Poppy's hairline has receded...]
{The whole friggin Gulf Coast....
Guess, the party is toast...}
(Damn, but Al should never have ceded...)

"... help the victims of the Tsunami relief."
{Did he just say that? Oh my God... oh good grief...}
(Seems like this apple to me,
It don't fall far from the tree!)
[It's going great! We should play "Hail to the Chief"...]

{Damn but George Junior's so dim...
This whole thing... it fucking looks grim.}
[Its "balls to the wall"...]
"May God Bless you all."
(May God save us all just from him...)

Bush says that there's a lot of help coming,
Foreign Aid? Says we shouldn't be slumming,
You must starve by the laws,
Conserve gas, use rickshas,
To fix the Oiligarchy's old plumbing...

Camp Casey is being disbanded,
"The Shrub" has been really backhanded.
This was no defeat,
BUSH beat the retreat,
This war o'er our country's expanded...

`Tis sad that it's now the "Big Queasy"
With waters all sickening and greasy.
Now with fears of West Nile,
And old germs more motile,
Sanitation restoration's not breezy...

Bunol, Spain's in the news for excess,
"Tomatina" won't famine address...
While chucking the maters,
Internal debaters,
Thought to send pizza pie as redress...

"Hey, Pilot! Woncha' bring `er down lower!"
"But Sir... I can't fly it much slower..."
"I'll get off this squawk box,
An' knock your head in your socks,
Yer' ass is grass, and I'll be the mower"

"We're descending, we'll bring her about...
Roger, Wilco, Sir... over and out,"
"Karl, ya see what I mean,
Ya gotta make a big scene,
True leadership's `bout usin' yer clout..."

"Hey, ya'll, take a look out this winder,
Heh... looks like it's been through a blender...
Little ants in a pond,
I just wave my big wand,
George Bush... human sufferin' ender..."

"Them levees let that Ponchertrain Lake in,"
"Sir , the War took a lot of their bacon..."
"Karl, you know that's a sin...
Gotta make with the spin..."
"Better play ball... this Blanco and Nagin..."

"Down there! I think I see me some looters...
See the ones by the girl with the hooters?
Ya think Air Force One,
Could get Gatling guns?"
"I don't know, sir... we'd never make it past Souter..."

"So they're looters, sir... how can you tell?"
"They're like the Cong back in Nam, there Michelle...
They'll just drop or they'll run,
Once they've heard the big gun,
And the runners... you just lead them real well..."

"My God, Karl! What's that terrible sound?"
"Stall warning... we almost hit the ground...
We darned near clipped the dome,
Let's just head `er back home...
I see the press now... it's `Chicken Hawk Drowned'..."

"Who's the pilot, I want to go meet `em,
My pants... damn... think I just mighta' peed `em...
That's a really close call,
Almost dropped the football...
Could we get him a Medal of Freedom...?"

Katrina's, vast floodwaters bled,
A cesspool, infection that spread,
With levees eroded,
Big Easy has coded,
Will it e'er arise from the dead?

Uncovering terrorist plots,
FBI is worried a lot,
Radical Islam,
With jailhouse Imams,
Tempests in our penal teapots.

Flooding leads into the looting,
Looting leads into the shooting,
New Orleans, it's sad,
Resembles Baghdad,
Powers that be need a booting...

New news of a terror attack,
On a bridge in Baghdad, Iraq,
Six hundred plus dead,
Killed fleeing in dread,
The bomb? Just an off color crack...

Here's one for the folks who cat blog:
A feline in Hamburg bird-dogged,
It broke its way in,
Ate goldfish and then,
Arrested, was marched like a frog...

Maybe it's only semantics,
To me, it's more PC antics,
"Protesters, both sides"?
Just hides the aside,
"Protest-Protester fanatics"

Not much news on a breach of a levee,
If true, then it would certainly be heavy.
The "Big Easy" would drown,
In raw sewage downtown,
And coffins floating along with old Chevys.

Dub, speaking from Rancho Cucamonga,
Stresses the war in Iraq will go longa,
Cindy Sheehan will tour,
And seek to ensure,
There's an end to this hideous Bush Conga...

Some thief has stolen Dorothy's slippers,
In Grand Rapids, leaving quiet as the ripper.
Worth a million or more,
Bet they're feeling cocksure,
This slipper nipper should be feeling quite chipper!

Can America absorb this cesspool?
A million homeless and dwindling fuel?
A war on her platter,
An economy in tatters?
Blame George Bush for his continued misrule.

Three hours Russian Security flouted,
As Senators Lugar and Obama just pouted,
We're left to surmise,
Maybe CIA Spies?
But don't get Plamed for deep covers outed!

Seems the Pentagon had taken the notion,
On Saturday for a stealthy demotion.
This persecution of Bunny,
Smells ever more funny;
Cheney's finger stirring up this sick potion?

`Tis fascinating, like father, like son,
Their lives and the way they were undone.
On extortion both fatted,
By lieutenants were ratted,
The Gottis and the webs that they spun...

Katrina bears down on the "Big Easy"
As the citizens flee, very queasy.
Will there be stories told,
After the future unfolds,
Of a big spot off the I-10 that is greasy?

Bad audio from the President's address,
On Iraq's constitutional progress,
Makes him sound like he's hunkered,
In some Hitler type bunker,
While the world all around seeks redress...

Promoting intelligently designed theses,
In their fight against the origin of species,
The Religious Right at great cost
Are creating "Lands of the Lost",
And embossing their old taurine feces...

Good news for us Java fanatics,
Whose coffee drinking is far from erratic,
Polyphenols are keen,
In the old coffee bean,
Decreasing cancer, if you're no total addict.

Fascinating, this "Vertebroplasty"!
Alleviating spinal fractures quite nasty.
Figuratively speaking as well,
Don't you know, sure as hell,
`Twould improve our Democratic leaders quite vastly...

Camp Casey will endure chartered busses,
Filled with sycophantic Right-Wing blunderbusses,
They'll whine and they'll squeal,
In patriotical zeal,
These blood-lusted and embittered cusses.

Is it time to chalk up the latest flop,
From "Dear Leader", that Shrubulyew fop?
His pathetic "solution",
This Iraq constitution,
Dropped straight on his doorstep... ker-plop!

Although Floridians have tired of this crap,
Another disaster now sits in their lap,
After Katrina's in ebb,
And they've weathered Dubbers and Jeb,
Maybe then they'll take seriously "The Map"...

Thinking a warning might really be wise,
In California, they'll start labeling fries.
The risk of cancer's unsure,
But Attorney General Lockyer,
Promotes the notion of these package gadflies...

"Seeking public reaction to a plan"
FDA stalls, "morning after" pill's banned...
This quibbling enforcement,
Is merely conservative endorsement.
The Right plans to have ALL birth control banned.

Oh, to have been a fly on the wall,
When W made the Shiia last minute call.
Smoothing Sunnis' defections,
Or advice on stealing elections?
Either way, should be a blood-thirsty fall...

Porter Goss will dance a quickening gavotte,
A new report has him in a tight spot.
Tasked with sweeping new changes,
To the CIA granges,
Will he just sweep under the rug this onslaught?

In California, new blackouts are rolling,
With the ghosts of Enron mega-trolling.
Arnold stepped to the plate,
Reassuring the state,
But went down swinging, according to polling...

Griping about the gas prices they pay,
Some customers are just driving away.
In the attendants' defense,
`Tis Bush who owes recompense,
But, "Have a nice day!" seems a clumsy segue...

Pat Robertson now says that he's sorry,
He "implied" that Chavez should be quarry.
His act of contrition,
Looks more like he's fishin,
To save a reputation that's hopelessly tarry.

Today physicians will Congress beseech,
For regulation of maggot and leech.
Creatures formerly deplored,
Now by doctors adored,
`Tis to the choir that they really will preach...

Of reality TV we seem never to tire,
The genera has yet to expire,
Here's the latest promotion,
For single parenting notions,
Trumps the Trump with the catchphrase, "You're Sired!"

The obesity mandate's in a bind,
And Americans are getting fatter in kind.
With our government giving up,
On regulating our sup,
It's "No child left without fat behind"...

In calling the other day for a hit,
On Hugo Chavez, this Pat Robertson twit,
Perhaps, let's be candid,
Might ought to be branded,
Exposing a "Contract with America", legit...

"Cake or death," Bush offers Sunnis, he's daft,
Chimpering rhetoric he offers up as statecraft.
Iraq's now filled with false choices,
And lots of padded invoices,
As they debate their constitutional graft.

Have Paparazzi maybe gone a bit far,
Chasing down these celebs in their cars?
It'll get so much shriller,
As shutter clicking road killers,
Have bones ground by the Hummers of the stars...

Bush compares war with radical Islam,
To the war against the Jewish Pogrom.
But it's more aptly compared,
In the way we're ensnared,
To the war he ran from... Vietnam.

Connecticut, today was headlined,
For challenging "No Child Left Behind".
Despite being slandered,
Claimed it lowers their standard,
Too bad other states couldn't be so inclined...

Here's the tale of one Kevin Trudeau,
And "Natural Cures" that he wants you to know.
His latest book of pop tarts,
Is now topping the charts,
While the death toll continues to grow...

In San Fran, it's a win for the Kids,
As right wingers are blowing their lids.
Small brains in a slumber,
Can't accept that the number,
Of loving parents won't put kids on the skids.

Old Dubya addressed Legions of fawners,
Saying war required dying with honors,
Don't want "Freedom" repressed?
Best not question his mess,
Insuring more of our children are goners...

"Hey Lancer, you know the rules about leading..."
"Sorry sir, didn't know I was speeding..."
"That's ok, there my friend,
Don't let it happen again...
Cause I could fall, and I really hate bleeding..."

"Um... could I speak with you, sir, about cancer..."
"I suppose... yeah, go ahead, Lancer."
"Could you maybe create,
A prostate mandate...?
`Cause I've been told you're an ass-hole financer..."

"Well, Lance, that's an interesting proposal...
Karl said try to be at your disposal...
But it's all tit for tat,
Glad we're having this chat,
Think you could lighten up just a bit about Mosul...?"

`Well, it's true sir, that I'm anti-war..."
"I respect that, but Lancer... what for?"
"Well, sir... thousands have died,
Just because you... well... lied..."
"You're out in front, son! Now I warned you before..."

"Sorry, sir... I was just making a pitch..."
"It's OK son... you know... look over at that ditch...
You want to talk about cancers,
Those jerks have all the answers...
Heh... yeah right... like I'm gonna talk to that bitch..."

"Guess I knew that my chances were slim,
But sir... prostate cancer is grim..."
"Lance, you gave your best shot...
Consider it forgot...
Race you back! Then we'll have us a swim!"

Don't you know that ol' Dubulya's hating,
This lesson in Iraqi mandating!
Left to Sunni devices,
This constitutional crisis,
Will have George with insurgents bedmating!

Here's to you Mr. Senator Hagel,
From me, have some lox and a bagel,
To replace the pablum,
From your Republican chum,
In the Iraq/Vietnam great finagle.

Seems Saddam has become born again,
If that term with Islamists is in...
He's now offering to die,
To become crucified,
And give his sins a new jihadic spin.

The pope took a victory lap,
Abandoned miter for simple skull-cap,
Kept critics at bay,
At Cologne's World Youth Day,
Distanced himself from his dogmatic pap.

These intelligent designer cornflakes,
And their presidentially supported muckrakes.
Are they arrogant schemers?
Or just simply blasphemers,
Putting God on THEIR time for Christ's sake?!?

Has Scott McClellan been given a break,
As Trent Duffy shovels the insider's take?
`Tis more fun rhyming Duffy,
With huffy, stuffy, and fluffy,
On this vacation from the terminally opaque!

Let's not forget about Rove and his Skipper,
During this vacation for the Crawford flop-flipper.
Let's keep on the radars,
Valerie's painful eschars,
And stop Bush from just closing his zipper!

Duck and cover! It's the soften-em-up phase,
Of the 9/11-Iraq memorial craze.
Lobbing rhetorical mortars,
A last ditch call to quarters,
Old-Dubya's-Been-Ladin' this blaze...

Hmmm... where before have we seen use of this tact,
Where blame's shifted to the abusee's mid-back?
Announced tours of duty;
Four more years sounds like doodie,
When parsed to frame all the blame on Iraq.

Lance Armstrong, cycling's modern day hero,
Went riding with our presidential zero,
White House spokesman Trent Duffy,
After a ride on his Huffy,
Fiddled afterward, and shilled Iraq's Nero.

Ah, the wonder of procreation mid-flight,
One of nature's most soul-stirring sights!
After years of hard labor,
And a roll on the tabor,
They'll deliver NASA's new orbital kite!

After taking pot-shots at a ship,
Attackers then gave `em the slip.
The Ashland was spared,
By the width of a hair;
While the life of a soldier was stripped.

Northwest Strikes! What a confusing score card.
Who'll do this, and just whom from whom's barred?
Wall Street analysts opine,
Northwest'll cross all picket lines,
And mechanical scabs won't send folks to the graveyard.

Harry Reid frightened all his supporters,
With a TIA that was leaked to reporters.
His diet he'll change,
To bring cholesterol in range,
But won't stop dining on Republican porkers!